It Hits the Fan

Aziraphale had tried to fall asleep. He had snuggled up underneath Ellie's comforter and breathed in her very aura in an attempt to soothe himself enough to drift off for a couple of hours, but it didn't work. Before Ellie came along he would only sleep on the incredibly rare occasions that he actually felt like it, and now it seemed he couldn't fall asleep at all without her by his side. It just felt so wrong to be lying there in bed curled up underneath the covers without her. Azi longed to put his arms around the demon and just feel like everything was okay... but it wasn't. Ellie had abandoned him for the night and honestly the angel couldn't blame her for it. Why did he have to be so odd when it came to that one simple basic human function? Why did he have to open his mouth and tell her to stop when his body was /clearly/ enjoying it? If he had just kept his trap shut his could be lying next to an incredibly happy demon right now instead of staring off into the darkness all alone just wishing she would come back and let him know that everything would be okay and the could just go back to being the sappy couple that thought hand holding was scandalous news?

Aziraphale sighed. He needed to talk to someone about this. Someone whom he new he could always trust and who would be completely honest with him. Kicking off the covers, Azi slipped on his ducky slippers and made his way down the hall towards Crowley's room. Hopefully the demon wouldn't be too grumpy about having his sleep disturbed.

It wasn't until he was in front of Crowley's door and had his hand raised to knock when the aura hit him. There was more than one demon in that room. Azi slowly lowered his hand from knocking. Ellie must have come here looking for a friend, too. It made sense. Crowley was always a great person to turn to when you're having trouble and could be an absolute snuggly sweetheart when you needed him to be. Azi smiled. Ellie would have surely found a friend here, and the angel was happy to know this. Quietly, he started to turn away from the door to leave the demons in peace.

He stopped though. They wouldn't mind if he just stuck his head in to say hello, would they? Seeing the two of them happy and smiling would certainly make getting some sleep far less difficult. Turning back to the door, Azi bit his lip and slowly turned the doorknob, opening the door just a crack to peer inside.

It was pretty dark in the room, but Azi could just barely make out two sleeping forms snuggled up on the bed as his eyes slowly adjusted. Ah, so his snuggly demons decided to snuggle together tonight, that was just too sweet. He would have to be sure to tease them about this in the morning.

Preparing to close the door and let sleeping demons lay, Azi hesitated when he spotted something odd. Their wings were out. Azi was pleasantly surprised by that. Crowley and Ellie being comfortable enough to sleep with their wings out together just warmed the angel’s heart. Azi couldn't help but want to just tuck the two of them in and give them each a goodnight kiss. He moved forward to do just that. Only... there was something else that made him stop in his tracks. As his eyes fully adjusted and took in the sight before him, the angel completely froze. Crowley and Ellie were.... well they were severely lacking in clothes. Why weren't they dressed? Surely they would be feeling rather chilly without them, and Azi knew how Crowley hated the cold. So why on earth would they be naked, wrapped in each others arms in the middle of the night.... unless they....

Faster than humanly possible, Azi was out the door, down the hall, and sitting safely in his own room in mere seconds. He did not just see that. That didn't happen. Ellie and Crowley couldn't have.... couldn't have.... have done the very thing he'd denied Ellie of doing with him. Azi slumped against his bed. Of course they did it. He saw them with his own eyes and no amount of denial would undo that... no matter how much he wanted it to.

Azi curled into himself as he processed what he just saw. It made sense, Crowley and Ellie being together. They were both sweet and loveable people, they shared the same sort of humor, and they'd been friends with each other for years. They had chemistry. They were good together. They both obviously loved deeply. And.... and Azi honestly hadn't seen the two of them look so absolutely happy and content together in a long time. His heart ached and Azi buried farther underneath the covers. He was happy for them. They were both wonderful people and they deserved each other. They deserved to be loved. They deserved to be happy.... Ellie deserved to be happy. Azi buried himself deeper into the covers. Crowley would make her happy. Crowley was sweet and hilarious and trustworthy and everything Ellie should have. They would be great together and Azi certainly wasn't going to get in the way of that. He was happy for them. He was happy. He was happy. He was happy. Azi buried his face into his pillow. It was getting wetter and wetter with each passing second as he thought about how great it was that two people he loved found each other but there was nothing he could do but choke back a small sob and repeat his mantra until day break. He was happy. He was happy. He was happy....

Ellie woke slowly from sleep, bit by bit the real world intruding on the last remnants of her dream. She became aware of the sunlight, and her wings, and her nakedness, and the fact that she was curled up with someone equally naked and feathered... She blinked her eyes open and looked at the sleeping face in front of her.

He looked peaceful in sleep. Her own dream faded, and she was unable to grasp any details now, only that it had been happy but had turned on her at some point and was starting to evolve into a nightmare before the morning had (thankfully) intruded. She didn't move, unwilling to do anything to disturb Crowley's slumber.

Because the sinking sensation in her stomach told her that she'd have an angel to explain to when they emerged. There was no way she would keep this from Aziraphale, but she had no idea how to even begin telling him. The longer Crowley slept, the longer she had to think.

So she watched him breathe and tried to brand this moment into her memory.

The warm sunlight was eventually enough to lead Crowley towards wakefulness. He stretched languidly, eyes closed as he let reality slowly creep in. He'd slept well - even better than usual -, with dreams of flight and emerald wings and a warm, sheltering presence by his side.

He could already feel her next to him, the rush of heat and the familiar aura reassurance enough that it hadn't all been just an amazing dream.

He let his eyes slide open, a content smile making its way back on his face before he'd even finished.

"Hi," he greeted her, fingers tracing a path down her arm.

"Hi," Ellie responded and smiled in return, though hers had a tinge of something else... something of the worry she was feeling, which had grown in the few minutes she'd had to watch Crowley sleep. She'd worked herself up into a bit of a state, and her own aura was wrapped so tightly around the two of them, unwilling to reach out and check on the angel. Her arm tingled where his fingers touched, and she caught his hand in hers, threading her fingers with his. "Sleep well?" Keep things normal, light, don't let on that you're concerned, she told herself.

Crowley's eyes followed every movement of her silky lips, his own aura still pulled in on himself as much as it would allow. The rest of him, however, too entranced by every little gorgeous detail of her features to take notice of the larger picture, seemed to be in a better mood.Closing the already-small gap between them, he ran his free hand through a few strands of her hair, then along the edge of her jaw, and pressed his lips against hers eagerly.

"Very," he whispered one pleasingly lengthy kiss later.

Ellie let her eyes flutter closed and returned the kiss, letting some of her muscles relax. This she knew, this she felt comfortable with. "Good," she said with a satisfied smile when he finally let her breathe. She bit at his lower lip and kissed his chin. Crowley looked so good with his barriers down, his touch surprisingly tender and... dare she even think it?... loving. The weight of everything she could lose pressed down on her. She loved Aziraphale, she knew she did, she felt it even now when she was pressed skin-to-skin with Crowley. But she couldn't deny what she felt here, either.

God, had she really just /left/ Aziraphale last night? Alone in her room? Her aura started to reach out for him but she snatched it back. She wasn't ready to know just yet. "So did I," she said instead, her thumb caressing against Crowley's.

"Best I've slept in centuries," he told her, his aura daring to ease ever-so-slightly outwards as he looked up from her lips and into her eyes. They were back to being gorgeous green - although he had to admit, the red glow did have a certain appeal to it. His smile grew wider - by now, it wasn't hard to guess just which variety of "strain" had caused them, which made him look forward to seeing them again that much more.

He felt a vague sense of unease creeping up on him, and he caught Ellie mirroring the same; he did his best to take his mind off it. It had been a new experience for him - for both of them, really -, and chances were he'd be holding back shivers for a while yet. But he wasn't planning on letting that stop them from enjoying second after tantalizing second of it.

He pressed another kiss onto her lips, then followed it up with more of the same along her neck.

"But I can't... help but think... that maybe... we could both... do with some more... rest."

He stopped for a moment, pushing himself up just enough to continue the trail of kisses along her back and up to the base of her wings.

"What do you say we sleep in today?" he purred temptingly.

As far as distractions went, what Crowley did was about as effective as they come. Ellie slid her arms around him now that one wasn't trapped any more and buried her fingers in the soft, downy feathers at the base of his wing, pressing closer. Her eyes sparked a little red again and her aura, which had been reaching out despite herself, focused entirely on the demon in her arms instead. "Sleeping in..." she said, biting lightly at his neck in return when his lips got close to the sensitive area at the base of her wings. "... sounds like just what the doctor ordered."

How quickly she went from loving to /wanting/ with every fibre of her being. And this she could have, this one wasn't off-limits. A twinge of guilt again as she remembered what she'd done to Aziraphale last night, but Crowley's lips and skin and hands were far too distracting to let her dwell on that right now. She pushed every part of herself - arms, legs, stomach, wings - closer. "Easiest temptation you've had all century," she mused with a smile, and bit at his earlobe.

Crowley let out a soft groan as Ellie's fingers sunk into the base of his wings, and before he knew it, they were stretching out invitingly behind him. On an average day, they weren't really sensitive, as such, but lovers had always had a way of making his whole skin tingle whenever they got close.

Lovers... him, and Ellie... It still felt strange thinking it; yet at the same time, it somehow fit like a glove. His aura inched just a hint further out, timidly curling against hers.

...And there it was again. That sense of something being wrong, just as every other part of him felt so, so right.

A nibble on his ear brought him back to what he /wanted/ to pay attention to; his body swayed invitingly under every touch, and he grinned as Ellie's words reached his ears.

"You know what they say," he murmured softly, a hint of his usual cocky self finding its way back to him. "Sometimes the simple things in life really are the best."

She loved the way he moved - so graceful and smooth - and it made her want to find more trigger points. She scratched gently at the skin beneath the feathers, rubbing and soothing the scars, and moved against him. She'd latched on with lips and arms and legs and this felt so good, so right.

"I'm a very simple creature," she murmured against his shoulder, then kissed the spot. "This, more of this, always..." Except would it be always? How long could they stay in this room and ignore the world out there? Ignore the angel...

No, she never wanted to ignore him, the very thought sent her stomach plummeting through the floor, her aura already reaching out, searching, and she pulled it back in again before she could feel anything. (She had felt something, but she wasn't going to admit that, because she didn't want to tear everything down... she had Crowley here, he was happy. How could she deny him that?)

Crowley's wings stretched with a pleased shudder, quiet moans leaving his throat with every touch.

"Guess I'm... putting off renovation plans... for a few days... or weeks."

He slid downwards, bringing his back closer into reach as his lips traced a curvy line from Ellie's collarbone, down to her navel and onto her hips.

A rush of sadness washed over him. It was deep, and overwhelming, and made him hold Ellie all the closer for all the memories of times where loss and abandonment had left him feeling the same.

He turned his kisses towards her back again, keeping a steady pace and his face out of view. There was going to be no loss, not this time (/not again.../). He had her, and she was here, and, for the first time in his lengthy life, all of that didn't come with a countdown towards the inevitable...

He may have hidden her face but he couldn't hide his aura, not completely. She was tuned into it right now, as close as she was physically and emotionally, and the moan that had been building in her throat came out strangled and choked. Something was wrong, and she couldn't work out if it was coming from Crowley or elsewhere. But as his lips got closer to her wings again those thoughts went flying out of her head. She arched into his touch.

"Crowley..." she tried. "Are you... is..." What was she trying to ask again?

Crowley kept his lips busy, moving in closer to her wings and hoping that with enough distractions for him and for Ellie, the feeling would go away. This was all new, and he was freaking out because of it. That had to be all there was to it. All he had to do was find something to take his mind off it (which he was working on already) and relax-

As he forced his aura out more to prove a point to himself, the loneliness and despair only intensified. Wrapping his arms around Ellie, he pulled his wings in, as if to shelter himself from the sudden influx of emotion.

He didn't have anything to worry about... no oncoming loss... nothing to fear... she was here, and they were having fun, and he was just being an overly-emotional idiot and on the verge of ruining it for both of them by worrying his head off about non-existent-

Loss.

Crowley's eyes widened, freezing on the spot and muscles tensing up. His aura burst outwards, if only to confirm the sinking feeling building up in his stomach.

It hadn't been his own feelings that had come flooding in as soon as he'd let his guard down. If anything, being on edge for as long as he had had only kept him from realizing sooner.

The loss, the sense of misery that had overwhelmed him... they were coming from Aziraphale.

Ellie tensed when Crowley did, sensing that something was definitely wrong now. Had she done...?

When she felt Crowley throw his aura wide, and the echo of loss and pain that came through, she threw her own awareness out almost as reflex and felt what Crowley had spotted. She couldn't deny it now, not when Aziraphale's pain threatened to crush her, and she nearly clenched her fingers too hard in Crowley's wings. She moved her hands to clutch at his forearms instead and looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. All hints of red were gone and there were tears forming already.

"Aziraphale!" she said, realising now how very, /very/ remiss she'd been in not checking on the angel sooner. What an awful, horrible person she'd been in abandoning him last night. The loss and loneliness was all because of /her/. The colour drained from her face as she stared at Crowley, waiting for the blame which she rightfully deserved, frozen to the spot. She wanted to go to Aziraphale, but she knew now that she'd not be welcome.

Crowley reached towards Ellie and held her close, stroking her hair soothingly for a moment as he spread out his senses and took in the situation. There were no unfamiliar presences in the house, as far as he could tell. Bentley was in her room, unharmed, probably sound asleep and blissfully unaware of everything. The angel was also in his room, so distraught that Crowley had to fight back the urge to curl in on himself; he seemed uninjured, at least, so that was something.

Immediate dangers out of the way, that left him to deal with the obvious concerns.

"Shhh, it's okay," he whispered soothingly to his now-lover as he sat up and miracled a pair of jeans and a t-shirt onto himself without much thought about the specifics. "I haven't the first clue what's happened, but I'll take care of it. I promise."

The angel's state had obviously done a number on her, too. But as much as it pained him to leave her like this, he knew he had to settle for offering whatever reassurance a few rushed words would allow. Aziraphale obviously needed him far more right now.

Ellie accepted the reassurances passively, not willing to make things even worse by struggling and pushing Crowley away. Screaming that it was all her fault was not going to help the situation, but that's what was happening in her head. She'd done this, she was to blame, she always /knew/ didn't she that she would bring pain here eventually.

When Crowley dressed himself, she stared at him blankly for a moment, still trying to process just what she would do. Her instincts said run, get as far away from here and everyone as possible. Others said stay, comfort the angel, say sorry, beg for forgiveness, do whatever it takes to fix it. This was not an enemy she could fight - the enemy was /her/. But then she blinked and she had on some clothes of her own, and she got to her feet. She got to Crowley before he got out the door and put a hand on his arm. A hot tear crept down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she said in a wrecked voice, her throat closing up before she could say any more. She was shaking. She pulled her hand away again, realising that she'd lost the right to touch them, to touch any of them, the moment she'd left Aziraphale in her room all by himself. She really hadn't been thinking at all last night, had she?

God, why hadn't she just gone out and found some humans? She may have hurt them, but it would have been preferable to hurting the two people she loved most.

Crowley wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. Bless it, she must've been doing even worse than he'd thought if she was feeling guilty over something they'd both only just picked up on.

/Unless she does know something about it.../

"Shhh, it's alright. I've got you..." he told her in a hushed, comforting voice, wrapping his wings around her protectively and stroking the back of her head. There was no way she'd known. No way she would have left Aziraphale like that if she had.

"We can work this out together, okay?"

This time Ellie did struggle a little bit. She didn't deserve this comfort and she extracted herself as gently as she possible, unable to look Crowley in the eye. Aziraphale's pain radiated through her. How in blazing Hell had she not noticed? (She hadn't wanted to, a quiet cynical voice inside said.)

"I... we... you... need to go to him." She felt sick. Human bodies did weird things under stress. How was throwing up going to help in this situation, really? How was the shaking helping? "Please." The angel needed someone, and she knew that someone wasn't her at this point. Crowley was best. She'd just break things further.

Crowley cradled her face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead.

"Okay," he conceded, and let her go to pull open the door. She was right. Aziraphale needed him more right now. And by the way she seemed to be taking the news, it wasn't hard to understand why she'd rather let him handle it.

"Sit down. Rest," he encouraged her, as calmly as he could, although he couldn't quite muster the strength to smile. "I'll be back before you know it."

Ellie sagged against the bed only long enough to make sure that Crowley was definitely out of the room. She bit at her lip. She /wanted/ to go to Aziraphale herself, and at the same time she really, /really/ didn't. It was going to be bad when Crowley realised what it was she'd done. So she got to her feet and trailed after, because she couldn't stay away and she wanted to know (and dreaded to know) the extent of the damage.

They were going to hate her. Aziraphale probably already did. She already hated herself. Stupid, /stupid/ demon. Can't have anything nice, don't deserve anything nice, because you just tear it to pieces.

Crowley rushed through the hallways, not bothering to turn on any lights along the way (it wasn't as if he needed them). He turned corners without thinking, his attention focused solely on how Aziraphale was doing.

By the time he'd reached the door, it was no better than when he'd started. Showing surprising restraint, he stopped himself from just barging straight in and settled for a quiet knock instead.

"Aziraphale?"

Ellie sank to the floor at the far end of the hallway and watched with hollow eyes. This was where everything ended, where she would watch everything she loved destroyed. Because of her.

Azi was still curled up on his bed quietly repeating his mantra when he heard the gentle knocking and the soft call of his name. He has no idea how long he had been laying there but it must not have been as long as it felt if it wasn't even light out yet. It felt as of he had had his face hidden in that pillow for centuries, and quite honestly, that didn't feel long enough. Not wanting to but unable to bring himself to ignore as friend, Aziraphale sat up a bit and quietly told them that they could come in, wiping away any remaining tears as he did so.

Crowley pushed the door open slowly, worried about what he'd find on the other side.

The room was dark and unlit, but that didn't stop him from spotting the curled up figure on the bed. Even from this distance, he looked even worse than his aura felt.

"Fuck. Aziraphale..." he muttered before he could stop himself, and quickly rushed to his best friend's side.

"You look... I... what happened?"

Ellie curled tighter on herself when she saw Crowley enter the room. If she strained, she could hear what was being said.

Azi cursed his appearance and attempted to put on a smile for his best mate. "I'm.... I'm alright dear."

"Like Heaven you are," Crowley dismissed the blatant lie, albeit gently. Without waiting for an invitation, he sat himself down next to him, miracled a mug of hot cocoa with a generous helping of rum mixed in for good measure and shoved it into the angel's hands.

"You look like you just got run over by half a dozen lorries," he told him with no small amount of concern, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to me."

Aziraphale accepted the rum filled cocoa without much of a fuss and took a hearty gulp to appease the demon. He had to admit having him here actually made the angel feel a bit better. Not a whole lot, but at least he wasn't alone anymore. "It's.... It's nothing major. I-I'm just t-trying to adjust to something and..." Azi bit his lip and looked at Crowley, feeling absolutely lost. "And I-I believe I e-envy you, dear."

Adjusting? Envy? What was he on about?

"You'll have to narrow it down a bit," he tried to lighten the mood. "I'm a pretty enviable guy."

He was glad that Aziraphale was talking (and drinking), but he couldn't help but feel like he was the only one missing the Universe's latest punchline.

Azi looked at him helplessly. "Everything about you! Your caring, your charisma, your confidence, the fact that you're the sort of person people want to be around... to be /with/..." Azi lowered his head and took another sip, not even really tasting it. "If I.... if I was more like you.... less skittish about certain things than maybe...."

Crowley stared at him in surprise. He'd expected amicable envy, the sort that was no more serious than (most of) the countless times he'd referred to him as a bastard. But this... this was the real deal. Envy, frustration, maybe even resentment - and worse still, this time he couldn't even think of what exactly he'd done to earn it.

"Aziraphale, what are you-"

The usual choice of expression for this particular turn of events would be "the penny dropped". In Crowley's current predicament, it would be more accurate to liken it to a nuclear blast.

/No, no, no, no.../

Crowley's eyes widened, his heart racing faster than the day he'd come face-to-face with Lucifer himself.

/"you're the sort of person people want to be around... to be /with/.../

This couldn't be happening.

/"Nothing's happened, that's the problem."/

"Az- Azira-" he was choking, his voice nothing more than a faint whimper.

/"If I.... if I was more like you.... less skittish about certain things than maybe...."/

"I-"

He was, what? Sorry? He didn't know? Or maybe he hadn't wanted to know. Easier to make it all about him, easier to think that it was him Elli-... all that time... all those nights she'd spent with the angel... her practically jumping him in the middle of the night, eyes blazing with Lust before he'd even opened the door properly...

/No, no, please, no..."/

He could have - /should/ have seen it coming. Should have put two and two together, should have- Go- He'd ignored the blindingly obvious, deluded himself... the one time Aziraphale - his best mate, the guy who'd always been there for him, the one person left in this whole blessed universe he might've still thought of as a /brother/ - had allowed himself to get /that/ close to someone...

He might as well have rammed a cursed knife through the angel's chest.

"Oh God..."

Azi just wanted a hole to open up beneath him and swallow him up. Goodness, what was he doing? Crowley didn't want to listen to his pity party, surly. He should be expressing how happy he was for him, not how envious that he couldn't be more like his best mate. What sort of friend was he if all he did was smother his friends with his negative feelings towards their relationship? Azi wiped his face with his sleeve and took a deep breath. Stay positive, Aziraphale, stay positive. "I-I'm sorry. Just forget I-I said anything." He looked up at the demon and made the attempt not to look complete miserable. "I'm.... I'm happy you t-two could b-be happy t-together."

Ellie whimpered, a barely audible sound. She could feel the pain and it wasn't just coming from the angel now. She wanted to cry out to him that no, he had it wrong, it wasn't like that... But... Was it really not? She /had/ been happy with Crowley for that brief interlude. And yet... The thought of /not/ being with Aziraphale made her hurt in ways she didn't know she /could/. She remained mute and frozen to the spot, unable to do anything to make it better and unable to run.

Aziraphale's words did nothing to help the sinking feeling of shame and misery building up in his stomach. /Of course/ the angel would try to be the better man, so-to-speak. He should've been angry, bless it. Should've been yelling at him about how much of a sorry disgrace of a friend he was. Instead, here he was, apologising for having his blessed heart broken. It made him feel guilty and angry all at the same time.

"For Hell's ssake..." he countered, voice trembling slightly as he stood up in a rustle of feathers. "Angel, /I'm/ the one who fucked up. /I'm/ the one who didn't think to assk questionss when she showed up at my door looking almosst as bad as you do. She was frusstrated, and I wass a moron. Sso hate me if you want, but don't bloody do thiss to yourself."

His voice trailed off as the reality of the situation sank in, but he steeled himself and straightened up. He'd messed it all up, and it was coming back to bite him accordingly, but that was no reason to take away any chance the angel might've had at coming out of this happy.

"She wants /you/, idiot. /Loves/ you," he told him matter-of-factly, managing to keep a straight face in spite of the fact that every word burned through him like holy water. "I was just... convenient."

/"Convenient."/ The word rang through Ellie's skull and reverberated in her bones. The hurt in that last sentence, the true horror of what she'd done to her best friend, her most trusted friend, tore her. /"Convenient."/ He had been, she /had/ used him, she knew that. What she hadn't expected was how right it had felt to be in Crowley's arms, kissing him, feeling him. Even now, through the pain and heartbreak, there was a warm... rightness about the memory of her and the other demon, tangled naked and enjoying each other.

God, she loved Aziraphale, Crowley was right. She really did, in a head-over-heels, shouting-it-from-the-rooftops kind of way. She should have stayed.

Stupid, idiotic, moronic, scum, worthless demon. What have you done?

Azi gave the demon a hard look, his own depression momentarily forgotten. "Don't you /dare/ say that about yourself dear. Ellie may have been frustrated, which is entirely my fault mind you, but she would never have gone to you last night unless she loved and trusted you enough to... to care for her in that situation." Azi bit back a pang of guilt that he couldn't do for her what Crowley could, but he shook it off. Now's not the time for his self pity. "I... I don't doubt that she loves me, she wouldn't lie about something like that, but she loves you too dear, and.... and honestly you're better for her than I am." Azi felt himself wanting to choke on the honestly of his own words, but he had to keep it together. He had to.

He just didn't get it, did he? Why did he have to make this more of a pain than it already was?

"Not that I'm surprised it breezed right past you," Crowley snapped, although if he'd been inclined to be honest at all at that point, he'd have recognised it wasn't the angel he was yelling at, "but there's more than one kind of love out there."

She'd stuck her neck on the line for both of them before, so it wasn't hard to recognise that she did care about him, too.

/Just not the way you want her to.../

And here the angel was, proud owner of the precise affection he couldn't have, being a an infuriating git and willing to - pointlessly - give everything up for him.

"She'ss. a. Lusst. demon," he spelled it out slowly, as if the angel had suddenly stopped understanding basic English, "She /wanted/ you. She got turned on and frussstrated, so she came to me - a friend - to vent. As we've already established, I was a cluelesss moron and she vented. She /caress/ about me. She's. /in love/. with. you. Now how about you stop being a sstupid sselflesss basstard and enjoy what you've bloody got?"

By the time he'd finished, his voice was once again trembling, every extra word he was forced to say an agonizing twist of the knife. He would have much rather the angel was disappointed, even furious with him. Heaven, his best friend trying to smite him would have been easier to cope with than this. And frankly, he wouldn't have blamed him.

Aziraphale's words hurt, but it was no less than she deserved. He was giving her up, handing her off, and Crowley was also handing her off. Neither of them wanted her, which she didn't blame them for. She wouldn't want herself either, only she didn't have a choice in the matter.

They would have been better off if she'd never run into Crowley that New Years morning. Nothing good came of bringing someone like her into your life. She dealt in heartbreak every day, jealousy, love, lust. Did she really think, had she really managed to kid herself, that she could live a normal, happy life and not have what she was intrude and ruin it all?

Stupid, ignorant, idiotic, asshole demon, she berated herself, and dragged herself to her feet. She winched in her wings, looking a little too ruffled from earlier activities still, and padded off to her room.

She wouldn't need to take much.

He wanted to yell at the demon for that. Scream, scold to snaky bastard for all he's worth and then some. But not out of anger towards him, but instead out of complete frustration for being such a blind fool. "Crowley, I /saw/ you two together asleep last night. The way you two were both snuggled close and each had a look of complete content... you can't convince me that what I saw was anything besides love. And you know what sort of love I'm talking about. The kind where you just want to spend forever in each others arms and whisper sweet words as the rest of the world moves on without you because you're both just trapped in this moment of infinite bliss...." He trailed of as his own words started to hurt him again. Goodness, why was Crowley making this so difficult? Why couldn't he simply accept that he has someone fantastic and let Azi be happy for them?! Bless it all...

"I.... I want to be with her, I would never lie about that, but it's obvious that with the way you two feel about each other and the fact.... t-the fact that you can do certain things for her that I can't, that it's you she would be happier with." Azi took his best friends hand and gave it a squeeze. "Please don't let me get in the way of your happiness."

"Well, would you look at that," Crowley hissed, no longer caring to keep his voice down or worrying about any hurt feelings. "The guy who's never snogged anyone in his six-thousand-something-year-old existence is suddenly a love guru."

The idiot. The bloody, too-caring-for-his-own-good idiot. He had a good thing - an amazing thing, and Crowley had to admit, if being the one to win out in this had felt even remotely possible, he might have actually considered it. But it wasn't - bless his luck, it wasn't - and yet here his idiot of a best friend was trying to throw it all away.

"/Who/ has she been spending all those afternoons with? /Who/ does she snuggle up with at every bloody opportunity? /Who/ has has she spent all but one blessed night in bed with, for Hell's thrice-damned sake?"

"But have it your way," he turned on his heels and stormed back to the door. He'd been the one to ram the knife in most of the way. He couldn't stomach sitting there and watching Aziraphale finish the job. "Be a lonely moron. But if you're not gonna take the word of the guy who's been around the block a few times, then at least do me - and yourself - a favour and go ask /her/ about it yourself."

And maybe, just /maybe/, him being slightly more of an arsehole than he'd already been would be enough to drive the point home.

Ellie hadn't heard the shouting. She'd locked and warded her door, effectively blocking out everything beyond it. Looking around, there was very little here that she would feel right taking. Aziraphale and her had gone shopping together for most of the items, she didn't need anything in her wardrobe... She scribbled three little notes and left them folded on the bed, each with a name on the outside. In a quick decision, she grabbed the soft toys she had so lovingly created before she'd even moved in and fired a quick miracle at the window. It wasn't designed to let people through, but it would now. A moment later she was winging her way away, to the nearest point that would allow her to re-enter Hell.

That should be just about far enough away, and they could get on with their lives.

Better off, she told herself. They were so much better off this way.

Azi sat there shell shocked as Crowley left for the door. He wanted to point out that he had, in fact, snogged someone before Ellie. He wanted to inform Crowley that just because he wasn't a creature of lust didn't mean he didn't know what love was and recognize when he saw it. He wanted to say that wanting two people that he loved be happy together didn't make him a moron... But he couldn't find it in himself to say any of this things to someone whom was far too upset with him to listen. He should have just kept his trap quiet and let them be happy. Why did this all have to be so complicated? Why couldn't Crowley and Ellie just be happy? Why couldn't he be happy for them? Why did he have to only disappoint Ellie and piss off Crowley? Why.... "Why would she want me when should could have you?" He asked quietly as Crowley left.